Positive Coping Strategies to Try…
do you find that you have taken on one or more of the common but stressful roles? (see page “common roles taken on by teens”). for help getting out of these roles, Try these techniques….
*The strategies provided below will not entirely solve your problems, but they can be a good place to start! Check out “Resources” for a list of other numbers and websites for help.
for everyone…
Try this.
Next time you feel overwhelmed or stressed, and begin to act according to your coping role, try breathing. Breathing helps to calm our body and mind. Remember, you can’t be stressed and calm at the same time! Click on the link below for a guided breathing exercise.
Growing up with a parent with a drinking problem is stressful! You may find yourself beginning to feel overwhelmed and using your unhealthy (but normal) coping strategy
The hero…
As a hero, your greatest fear may be doing something wrong or not being able to help or control your family situation. You are probably very self-critical, beating yourself up when things don’t go the way you want them to.
Try this.
Try being your own friend. Ask yourself: would I think less of my friend if they had a parent who was a problem drinker? The answer is probably no… so why be so harsh on yourself? Next time you beat yourself up, try telling yourself what you would say to a friend who is going through the same thing… be nice to yourself! After all, no person or family is perfect on the inside or outside and that’s okay.
the mascot…
Since you are the family joker, it may be very difficult for you to express your true feelings. You fear serious situations and have a hard time being vulnerable.
If we can’t express our emotions, they can bundle up inside and eventually explode, causing us even more stress.
Try this.
Emotions are very normal and healthy, even the not-so-happy ones. They let us know what we need, like if we are sad it means we need comfort.
Try keeping a mood diary. Whenever you feel a certain emotion, write it down, along with its intensity. Then answer what was happening, where, and with who, and what went through your mind. Keep this to yourself at first, and then over time trying sharing these with a trusted friend or relative. Click on the link below for an example mood diary.
Try This.
The scapegoat…
First of all, your parent’s drinking is not your fault. Try repeating this: “I did not cause my parent’s drinking, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it”
Try writing your parent a letter. Tell them about your anger and just get everything off of your chest and onto the paper. Once you are done writing this letter, rip it up and throw it away (don’t actually give it to your parent). Do you feel a little bit lighter? This can help release the anger and hurt that we carry inside us, because as we rip up the letter, we also rip up a little bit of the burden we carry. You can also consider sharing your feelings with a friend to further unload them so they do not keep overwhelming you.
You may feel a lot of resentment towards your parent, and as a result you may feel a lot of anger. Behind this anger there is usually a lot of hurt; hurt from your parent not being there for you. Deep down you may feel like there is something wrong with you, which results in a lot of guilt.
Try This.
The lost child…
Like the mascot, it can be really helpful keeping a feelings journal to help you learn how to feel your emotions. Sometimes writing things down in a journal can help us express ourself without actually having to speak. When you’re ready, try reaching out to a trusted friend or family member and share these emotions with them. Remember, you are not alone and you are worthy of love! Click the link above under the Mascot section for a feelings journal template.
You are so used to hiding and checking out emotionally from stressful situations. Like the mascot, it can be difficult for you to allow yourself to really feel your feelings. You may feel unimportant and unwanted in your home. As a result, you may choose to keep to yourself and have a hard time reaching out to others.
try this.
the caretaker…
Remember, you are not the parent… you are the child. It is not your responsibility to care for your parent. This may be hard to believe, and that’s okay. Practice telling yourself this every time you have an urge to take over tasks in the home. Next time, try not doing one task that you may usually do. It’s okay to ask for help!
You are so used to caring for everyone else, especially your parent, that you often leave yourself behind. You may feel that if you don’t protect your parent, that something bad will happen and that you will be responsible.